


The Letter

by AbraxasBelzebub



Category: Actor RPF
Genre: F/M, Romance, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-30
Updated: 2017-02-25
Packaged: 2018-08-12 00:40:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7913683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AbraxasBelzebub/pseuds/AbraxasBelzebub
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your fangirly feelings make you write a love letter to the one and only Sebastian Stan. A letter that is never meant to be sent. Your best friend has a different idea about that though.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello people!  
> This here is my first ever fanfiction so I'm really nervous to post it. If someone ends up reading it please do tell me what you think! There is a bunch of people I want to thank for encouraging me to write this story and I will honor them all in the Note afterwards so you don't fall asleep reading this first (assuming you read it at all XD) !  
> <3 I hope you enjoy it! <3 
> 
> P.S.: If oyu have any suggestions for tags, please also let me know! :3

_Dearest Sebastian,_   
_You are on my mind a lot lately, even though we never met. :) It feels silly and yet I feel like I'm in love with you. At first I was only enchanted by the roles you played in movies and impressed at what an amazing actor you are. From your facial expressions and your body language to the sound and the pitch of your voice and how you can control it to fit different characters._   
_So like most fangirls I proceeded to find out about who you are behind the roles.... and I was stunned even more._   
_You seem to be such a cheerful person. And strong...as I am sure there are struggles in your life only few know of but regardless you stand strong and refuse to go down. Sometimes looking tired you are still nice and sweet to everybody. Laughing a lot. Making me smile or laugh at the silliness of what you are saying, at the way your eyes crinkle when you smile, at the honest sound of your amusement. Lighting up my world even from so far away._   
_I hope you never loose this part of yourself and that you find someone who will light up your days as you do mine._   
_Be strong. Be Hopeful. Be yourself._   
_And know that no matter what life throws at you, you are not alone and you are loved and not because of your beautiful face and body but because of your amazing personality that shines bright like the northern star on the darkest of nights. Showing me the right direction and bringing joy and happiness into my life just by being who you are._

_I hope I'll get to meet you one day and bask in the warmth of your soul._

_I love you._

_Your_   
_(Y/N)_

 

You wrote the letter because the feelings you developed for this one, certain actor resembled the feeling of being in love with a person in flesh and blood way too much for your liking. Not that it bothered you so much, but it seemed silly to you that at your age you'd still develop feeling for celebrities and fictional characters. That seemed to go far beyond normal crush.

This time it felt different. But wasn't it every time? The little annoying part of yourself that questioned everything volunteered.

Or maybe you were changing so the feeling wasn't different...but you were.

You shook your head, trying to chase away all this intense thinking. After all you didn't wanted your brain to catch fire. You needed all of what there was, however little. You smiled at your thoughts this time. To yourself you were being hilarious.

“Wow! That's great! I wish you were in love with me just to get such letters!” Your best friend, who was visiting you exclaimed. After looking at you she cocked her head to the side, raising an eyebrow. “ What are you smiling at?” -She asked. Your grin got wider and you answered shaking your head again. “Nothing. Hmm... sooo you liked the letter?”  
” I love it, and I'm damn sure he will love it too! It's brilliant, not just some brainless and superficial stuff without any meaning.” She replied with all the encouraging enthusiasm every good friend should show. You smiled at her fondly and sighed. “ He's not gonna, because I don't plan on sending it.” You were looking at your nails as you spoke, then dared to look up to see (Y/BF/N) look at you shocked. “Why not?” She asked, calmer then her face indicated. “Because...I may be a crazy fangirl and may believe in strange things but I think it's silly...he's probably not even gonna read it... and even if he did, what then? I'm not naive enough to believe he'd fall in love with me because of the letter or even write me back. I've written it to get those crazy fangirly feelings out of my system a little because I've been going bat-shit crazy.” You sighed after your long and fierce answer. You looked up at your friend again. Her eyebrows were slightly pulled together but she didn't say anything.

The two of you went on watching a movie and talked some about what was going on in your lives until she had to go home. You didn't realize that your love letter mysteriously disappeared somewhere along the way and said goodbye to your friend at the door and hugged her as always. You didn't suspect that your best friend was planning on sending the letter for you, nor would you know about it for quite some time.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys! :3 First of all I wanted to thank everyone who Commented and gave me Kudos, it made me SO Extatic! X0 And so Happy! :3 *gives everyone free plums* This one is from Seb's POV as you'll see, hope you enjoy it! <3 
> 
> And because Ive forgotten the last time, in case there were doubts Sebastian Stan belongs to himself. The idea for the story was mine and the idea for switching POV's was dearly encouraged by my dear Friend Sindi. :3

_Sebastian's P.O.V  
_

It was a long day for him. A long week in fact. Long and tough. Sebastian sighed and run his Hand through his hair. Finally he had some time to think about everything, not having any movies to make nor having to promote anything that was already finished. And he made sure no interviews or any such things were scheduled until the comic con Tour would start for him in April. Being an actor was undeniably fun and he was thankful that he got the chance to work as one, and on such amazing stories too ….but it was also tough. Being an actor meant there was no stability in his life, and if he'd actually get a job depended on luck, as much as on his skills and appearance. So his life was made of extremes and between working intensely for weeks, being overtired all the time and doing nothing but try to keep his social life alive until he needed to search for a new job, there was not much quality time he could spend with himself. His friends had been very understanding of him not being able to hang out for months sometimes, when his schedule was filled to the brink with events, and he was endlessly thankful for having them.But of course maintaining a romantic relationship was even harder, apparently even if your girlfriend was an actress herself. So it was no surprise when his decided to break things up, but it didn't mean it hurt any less. Sebastian understood that though and needed to admit to himself that the last half a year between them both was strenuous at best. He sighed again heavily. Another thing he feared, was for his recurring depressions to get worse now as a lot of things piled up in his life, that he didn't get to work through, simply because of the lack of time.He needed to use the free time to pick himself up enough to be able to function when his schedule didn't push him over his boundaries and resembled that of an average human being. Sebastian decided he didn't wantto dwell on those things too long until he would speak to his therapist again.

 

It was evening already and his mood has gotten dangerously low and troubled, he also wasn't in the mood to do anything in particular but not doing anything would spiral out in a brooding marathon which he wanted even less. His glance swept through his living room stopping at the pile of boxes in the corner. In his free time he wanted to check some of the mail his fans have made for him so he let his agent bring some of it to his apartment earlier today. He was thankful for their love and appreciation as most of them were sweet and smart people who in his opinion made this world a better place. ”Hmm...Let's see what my crazy, lovely fans have to tell me this time...” He muttered with a crooked grin.  
  
He got up and went to the kitchen to get something to drink first. Some water would be refreshing enough he decided and took a glass out of the cupboard and poured some water from the tab into it, humming some random tune while doing so. Sebastian went back to his living room put the glass on the table and went over to the pile of boxes of different sizes which contained the fan mail. He didn't wanted to think too much but it was around 8 p.m. so choosing the smallest box seemed the most appealing even though he wasn't sure if he'd make it entirely through all the mail in it.   
The pile of boxes almost reached his waist so he didn't have to bend over to get the smallest box that was on the top of the pile right beside one that was only a little bigger. He went back to the couch and let himself fall onto itwith the box in his lap.Once the box was open he put it beside him on the couch, he reached for the glass of water and sipped from it and after putting it away he turned to the box fishing out the first letter. ”Let's see what we've got here...” He whispered to himself slightly excited. Reading fan mail was always like a fortune wheel, you'd never know what you're gonna get because the mail was as different as the people who send it.

 

~ * * * ~

  
Almost an hour and a half later he was finished with going through the small box full of letters but now he was surrounded by opened envelopes, some of which had drawings and stickers on them, and pictures of all kinds. The pictures were not only drawings and paintings but also photographs of the people who send them, they pets, they rooms and all other things out of they lives which seemed important to them. For example, someone send him pictures of a self-made Bucky Barnes cake! It was a statue and they've made the progress pictures of how they constructed the Cake-Bucky from head to toe! Another person send him photos of their pets. The black cat was dressed as the winter soldier and seemed very unamused by the whole situation, and the dog, a golden retriever dressed as Captain America, who looked exactly the opposite of the cat. One of the letters even contained a handkerchief made out of white fabric with a glorious hat and the name Jefferson embroidered onto it, no doubt by the sender. The letters in itself varied in everything. From the length (from a short note written on a post-it-note to a 10 pages long letter, with the pages filled from both sides of the pages), the writing (neatly written, calligraphic pieces of art, messy ones, illegibly written messages which he had great trouble deciphering or failed altogether) up to the content. The letters were a colorful rollercoaster of information’s, exclamations, confessions and feelings. From shy love letters, to overexcited ones (someone actually wrote him everything n capital letters ), some were straight down immoral in they nature, not only describing some weird phantasies but urging him to answer or visit the person in question and have sex with them. Other ones were about personal problems, while some people just sounded lonely and seemed to need to just talk to someone, others were aggressive, blaming him for some irrational things or spreading hate all through. Fortunately there weren't many of those.

He sighed. He tried not to let such negative things bring him down, and enjoy the positive ones, but no matter what he always ended up exhausted by reading so many fan letters at once. Every time it was an emotional adventure with lots of highs and lows. He tried to just read two or three at a time but he just didn't have the time for that, not to mention that he wanted to do more in his life than read fan letters every free minute. That's why he went with doing it from time to time only and then as much as his time would allow.   
  


Sebastian started to collect all the letters and art works to put them all back in the box when he realized there was one letter left in there. He must have overseen it, due to his tiredness. He lingered over the box unmoving. He was emotionally done for now....done with HIS emotions, with other peoples emotions...he was tired...and what if the letter was one of the negative ones? The envelope looked very plain. “Arghhh!” A slightly annoyed noise escaped his mouth. He couldn't just leave this one letter out...it seemed unfair. He sighed again defeated. He maneuvered the pile in his hands so he'd hold it in only one and with the other took the lost letter in his free hand to put all the stuff back inside the box.  
The Letter still in his right Hand he grabbed his empty glass with the other and went back to the kitchen to refill it. He put the letter on the surface beside the sink and proceeded to fill his glass with water, which he immediately drank. He still felt like drinking something so he decided to make himself a tea before reading the last letter and going to sleep. Now instead of glass he filled the electric kettle with water so he could boil it. When that was in the makings he pulled a mug from a cupboard and started roaming through other cupboards to find some tea. One of the most annoying things about being away for long time and only stopping by in between at his home, was barely having any supplies when getting back for a longer while. The only tea he found was black tea but he was thankful he had found any at all, he was only disappointed at not finding any honey to sweeten it with, but not surprised and very surprised at finding a lemon... that unfortunately wasn't edible any more. He grimaced while throwing it away. “Yuck...” By that time the water was already boiled for a while and cooling off. He threw the electrical kettle an unimpressed look and pressed the button on it again to get the water to boil again. He took the letter and looked at both sides of the envelope. It was plain white and didn't give away anything of what was hiding inside. Cautiously he ripped the top of the envelope apart to take out what was inside...which happened to be a single sheet of paper, not as white as the envelope but rather creamy and warm of color.   
  


The kettle made a noise so Sebastian hastily threw the page back on top of the envelope which lay on the edge of his cooking surface now. He poured the hot water into the mug with the tea bag.   
The mug in his right he hastily grabbed the lonely page from the counter with his left hand, to go back to his living room, not noticing the envelope sliding from it and landing safely under the dishwasher on the opposite side of the room.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here! I was really anxious of writing Seb. I let my imagination run wild, the depression thing is just because I'Ve seen in an interview that he's mentioned talking to a therapist, and I think as an actor it is a pretty common illness...and it kinda jut fitted my story. X0   
> This time Johnny didn'T have the time ti read this through but another friend of mine took the time to see if there were any disastrous errors in my writing! Thank you Tony! <3 
> 
> I'd love to hear what you thought about this so please take a minute and tell me ! *hugs for all* 
> 
> I hope to see you in the next chapter sweethearts! X3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello sweethearts! X3 Thank you so much for you comments and kudos! Here comes the next part! :3 <3

_(Y/F/N) P.O.V_

 

You just finished to paint your newest work. Barely. But you needed to pull yourself together as this wasn't only for fun, this was your job. You never really found your place among the normal daily jobs others seemed to live with so easily, so you just tried something different. And you had luck! You always liked to draw, paint and craft and apparently you were good enough to make money with it. It was hard, you never knew what would happen next, if someone would order something specific or buy some of the things you made, but the internet was helpful and so you could live. You weren't rich by any means but you've had enough to get by and with lots of savings in between (which was a though challenge as you were really bad at saving money) or some lucky increase of your sells you could afford some nice things, like going to a convention.

And here you were back at why you've had hard time at concentrating on doing your job. You've finally managed to save tons of money to go to the San Diego Comic Con! All the way to America! You still couldn't believe it. You never left Europe before and here you'd go to the most amazing Con EVER! But that wasn't even the best part ( and you couldn’t believe it wasn't because HOW COULD IT NOT BE THE BEST PART?!) You would also meet and spend time with a good friend of yours that you met on the internet about half a year ago and who proved to be one of the best things that happened to you last year. But that wasn't the thing that got you so excited about either. As you planned visiting New York too while being on the right continent, you would go to the Wizard World Philadelphia because SEBASTIAN STAN WAS GOING TO BE THERE (and it was close enough)! At the mere thought your face split into a grin that would rival any other grin ever effortlessly. You sadly didn't menage to get a shooting with him but he'd be there! And he'd have a Marvel panel and you were SO excited! You'd get to see him in the real world and not only your fantasies! You got up from your chair and started to jump thorough your living room laughing because you were so happy about it all. It'd be amazing!

You needed to think about a Cosplay you would take or maybe make a new one extra for the occasion, but taking one that you've already made was more likely because you couldn't really afford buying much things after getting all the Con and plane tickets and booked the hotels for Philly and NYC. And you needed some money for over there so you needed to be careful. No spontaneous shopping sprees... You sighed still with a wide grin on your face and swiped the hair that got into your eyes back, which was a futile effort as it fell back forwards again right after that. It will be very tough as you weren't a very disciplined person but you'd make it. And it'll be worth it!  
  
What worried you slightly was: How were you supposed to survive until then? It was almost April but your little journey would be in July. You'll have to make a list of what to bring with you and try to fit all of it into your suitcase. You rolled your eyes at yourself....that's gonna be fun... You hated packing and you really needed to restrict yourself as you definitely planned on buying all kind of things on both conventions so you needed enough room in your suitcase.   
  
Your mind wandered to Sebastian again and made you forget the packing. What if you'd really meet him? What would you say to him? What does one say to a complete stranger, that you totally worship? Probably how great he was and how awesome his acting is. But didn't everybody tell him that? It seemed pointless and even though Sebby seemed to be really grateful for every compliment he's gotten from his fans it sounded pretty annoying to you. You grimaced. It's basically your “love letter” all over again. What was the point? You wondered again what happened to it anyway. Maybe your mom threw it away in her cleaning fit when she visited you. Sometimes she just didn't pay attention to what she throws away and you tended to have tons of notes on all kinds of paper that sometimes kinda mixed with old magazines and the commercials that came with the mail. - Yeah...That sounds plausible...- You muttered to yourself. You wished you could read it, as it seemed like you were getting a little crazy again. Maybe you should just write another?   
  
You decided to whine about it to your best friend, so you messaged her on facebook.  
**  
****YOU: Hey, sweety! Cannot find the damn love letter I've written, and I'm going all crazy again. * sigh * V.V  
  
** About a minute later you heard your Phone announcing you've got an answer.  
  
**(Y/BF/N) : Awww, that's a shame...I wonder where did it go? :0  
  
YOU: Don't know, maybe my mum threw it away in one of her cleaning fits ! X0 I'm considering writing another letter... it seems therapeutic or something like that. I'm so thrilled that I might meet him when I'm ****i** **n Philadelphia! Even the thought that we are in the same building makes me wanna jump though the roof and fly away! XD haha  
  
(Y/BF/N): Oooh! I say go for it gurl! And if you DO write one, you totally gotta show me! X0 haha! Yeah I get that! I'm jelly of you going to the States :3 Maybe next time we can go together, if my shitty boss will let me take vacation at the right time! X( And if you see Chris Evans totally kidnap him and bring him back to me! XD   
  
YOU: lol sure I will, beause I'm all sneaky and TOTALLY muscular enough to just run away carring him ! Rofl  
  
** You giggled at the silliness of your friend and yourself. That's one of the reasons why you loved her so much.  
  
**(Y/BF/N): Totally! You're my supergirl after all! X3 <3 Now I gotta go back to work before my boss is gonna see I'm texting instead of working...ooor ****pretending** **that I'm working ! Lol I'll write you later! * hugs *  
  
YOU: ok , don't let yourself be ****caught** **! bb * hugshugs *  
  
** You stretched yourself still smiling. It's going to be very interesting and you were looking forward to it all a lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol I almost feel bad that the cliffhanger is still in air XD This part is to show you who the reader (you) is in my story. I was considering making it more vague so more people can relate BUT I felt that the story would suffer if the reader won't be developed enough, I just hope each of you have enough fantasy to fill in where you can't entirely relate! X0 And YES the reader is a total geek because I think we ALL are geeks in one way or another X3 Hope you enjoyed the chapter despite anything that might have been not as flexible as it could, please tell me what you thought! :D
> 
> *cuddles & hugs*


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hei there! I'm back X0 And I am dead tired as I was on a convention on the weekend, but not as a visitor as usual but as I helper ! That was rough, fun adn awesome but still hard, that's why this one comes a little later than normal. Beside this Chapter I only have one more written down, I'll try to write the next one or two this week so there won't be any bigger gaps in between but I cannot promise anything.   
> Thank you all who left me Kudos and COmments, I'd love to know what you think about this one so please leave a comment, and the ones who where waiting for the continuation of th ecliffhanger form chapter 2, now it goes forwards with Sebby! X3 <3  
> Have fun!

_Sebastian's P.O.V_

 

Right after he sat back on the couch in his living room and was about to read the letter his phone rang. His brows knitted together as he reached for it. It was his ex. He wanted not to answer it, he was still hurt and tried to move on and considering that she was the one breaking up, he wanted to talk to her even less. But. He couldn't NOT answer the phone. He sighed resigned and answered his phone.  
The conversation made him feel even more exhausted. His ex was drunk and crying and begging him to pick her up from a club. He rubbed his Hand across his face still holding the unread letter in the other. Sebastian had a bad feeling about going but he didn't want to leave her in this state on her own, he still cared for her. He stood up, grabbed a light denim jacket and stuffed the letter in one of the pockets hastily, took the house and car keys and made himself on the way. He was tense at this point so the ride was anything but pleasant. He parked as close as he could to the place where his ex was supposed to be.

She was sitting on the pavement in front of the club. Not alone, beside her stood a friend of hers visibly troubled by the whole situation. He knew the guy, they met on several occasions because of the currently hopelessly drunk woman. His name was Michael and he liked him a lot as the dude has been a nice and laid-back person, fun to be around but not getting in trouble on every occasion either.

As he spotted Sebastian getting over in their direction his eyes grew wide. “Hey Michael.” The actor greeted the man standing by his ex, who didn't realize he was there yet and sat on the pavement huddled and still crying. A sad sight, he wanted to just take her home but waited for Michael to answer him in case there was anything he needed to know. Michael's answer wasn't a greeting but rather astonishment and disbelief. “YOU were the friend she called to pick her up? Damn...I'm so sorry Sebastian. If I knew I wouldn't let her call you, especially in this state.” The other man looked sorry. “I could just call her a cab...” He continued. “Nah, it's fine. I'm already here, besides I don't think she can make it all the way up to her apartment in this state without help.” Sebastian looked pointedly at the sorry sight of the girl who used to mean the world to him. -“I will take care of her.”- He ducked and tried to communicate to his ex that he was going to get her home but she was only mumbling incomprehensibly so he just put her arm around him to hoist her up. He said goodbye to Michael, who apologized again and looked worried by the whole circumstances.   
  
Sebastian made it to the car with the wasted woman without much trouble and he was hoping she'd just stay out of it until he put her in her bed, but that would have been too easy. While he was trying to put the safety belt on her she decided to be difficult and put her hands on his, not exactly fighting but definitely not helping. “Ss'bashtian?” She slurred looking up at him. Using her distraction he put the belt in place while answering with a brief “yes” not wanting to start any discussions especially not with a person this drunk. So he retreated from the passenger side of the car and pushed the door close as gently as possible without it not closing entirely. He went back to the drivers seat and realized she started weeping for real. He sighed once again. He really didn't want to put up with it. Maybe Michael was right and he should have just let him call a cab for her. She wasn't his responsibility any more after all. He let himself fall onto the seat, closed the door with a bit more force than was necessary.

As he was about to turn the key in the ignition for the car to start, he felt his ex's palm on his right forearm. “I thought you left me.” She said between the sobs still escaping her mouth. His answer turned out harsher than he intended. “No. You left me.” He was irritated by now and took away his hand to put it on the steering wheel to shake off her hand which started to interweave her fingers with his. He started the car and got on the way carefully keeping the woman's actions in the corner of his eyes to avoid any accidents happening. While he concentrated on driving she was babbling on tearfully. “ 't was a mistake... 'm sorry. 'M lonely an' I miss you. Le's jus' try again..” He tried not to listen to it all as every word from her hurt. And if it wasn't already almost two months since they weren't together anymore he'd have caved in too, no matter how drunk she was. By now though, he had enough time to think about they relationship, cool off and take a more sober look at it. In the last half a year there weren't many good times for them. They didn't fight a lot but spending time together seemed like a chore or a necessary duty rather than something one does for fun or out of love. After long periods apart due to they jobs it wasn't as relaxing as it should be to re-unite leading to both of them being irritated with each other more often than not. So as much as the part of him who fell in love with this woman and still cared about her wanted to just ignore these negative things and hoped it would get better, he refused as the more rational part knew it wouldn't and if they both survived the hard times they'd be happier on their own or with someone else. He didn't miss her as often already, he rather missed company in general, someone to connect with on many levels, which was missing between the two of them for a while now.

By the time they arrived at her apartment block he was frowning deeply but at least she didn't seem to be fazed by him not contributing to her talk leaving it a monologue. He somehow managed to drag her all the way to the elevator and hoped she wouldn't puke there. That's when the realization hit him. He couldn't just deliver her into her bed and leave in case she would puke and would be drowning in it. A groan escaped his mouth. He was just too soft, he should have never answered the damn phone.   
In front of her apartment door he let her slide down to the floor leaning against the wall so he could fish the keys out of her purse. He proceeded with opening the door, while his ex managed to grab his leg almost making him fall inside the apartment with the opening door. He cursed under his breath, trying to be as quiet as possible not to wake the neighbors.   
After seemingly endless struggles he managed to bring his ex into her bedroom and was placing her onto the bed but before he could retreat she wound her arms around him and toppled him over so he basically landed on her. She didn't seem to be bothered by that and started kissing him. After the initial shock he managed to pray her arms and mouth off him ignoring her whining and begging. He left her crying again and went out to the bathroom, leaving the doors open so he'd hear if something bad was happening.

He looked at himself in the mirror. His face looked even more tired than before he left his apartment earlier in this evening, plus the lipstick smudged all across his face after the unexpected assault. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It would be a long night. He washed his face until all the lipstick marks were gone, sighed again and braced himself for a possible next round when he got back to the bedroom to check on her. But luck seemed to return to him for now and his ex was asleep. He went over to the bed and carefully tugged the blanket from under her to put it on her instead so she wouldn't get cold. He run a Hand through his dark hair and took a look at his watch. He grimaced. It was short after 1 so it'll still be some hours until he could message her sister to take care of her so he could go and leave her for good this time. He internally vowed not to take her calls ever again. He decided to make himself a coffee in hopes it'll make him awake enough to survive until the morning would come.  
With the coffee mug in hand he went right through the bedroom to the balcony so he could sit there and let the time pass. Hopefully quickly. He left the door to the room slightly ajar to hear if something was up with the now sleeping woman. Minutes passed and he sipped his coffee while looking at the skyline of New York. It was a bit too chilly to sit outside so he put his free hand into the pocket in hopes for a little warmth. -“huh...?”- Escaped his mouth as he felt that the pocket wasn't empty as expected. He put the coffee away on the small coffee table between the two sunloungers placed on the balcony, one of which he was sitting on currently. He pulled the piece of paper out and in front of him. His eyebrows shot up. The letter he still didn't manage to read before. Through the whole ordeal with his ex he has totally forgotten about that. Well, now was as good a time as any and it cannot be worse that this night was already, he thought to himself. The actor unfolded the single piece of paper to read it.   
Before reading though he let his eyes scan over the letter. The words were written neatly, the letters big and curvy graced with flourishes here and there. It seemed like the writer went ahead of themselves at points and some of the letters seemed to loose they balance only to be held up by the lines binding them to each other. A small smile grew on his face at the observation. He had lots of time so he wanted to try and savor every word of the short letter. To pass time he thought to himself but something inside him just wanted to enjoy whatever was written as the letter and the writing on it seemed to send warmth even without reading the content of it yet. And he definitely needed something nice and enjoyable tonight.  
  
~ _D_ _e_ _arest Sebastian,~_ The Letter Started.

~ _You are on my mind a lot lately, even though we never met. :) It feels silly and yet I feel like I'm in love with you.~_ A classic he thought. A love letter. So there was a big chance it'll end up nice. He was especially amused at the smiley between the first two sentences. He proceeded.

~ _At first I was only enchanted by the roles you played in movies and impressed at what an amazing actor you are. From your facial expressions and your body language to the sound and the pitch of your voice and how you can control it to fit different characters.~_ He chuckled embarrassed at the praise but always happy at reading about the appreciation of people he didn't even know. Though the details about his face and voice made him blush slightly.  
~ _So like most fangirls I proceeded to find out about who you are behind the roles.... and I was stunned even more._ _~_ Well, that escalated quickly he thought. It was funny though the (apparently) girl referred to herself as a fangirl so openly, most letters that proclaimed love for him were written in a more serious note, unless they made clear it was a pure fan-love. So he was confused and a little curious.  
~ _You seem to be such a cheerful person. And strong...as I am sure there are struggles in your life only few know of but regardless you stand strong and refuse to go down.~_ This one left him baffled as it reflected his current situation more than well. He gulped his emotions trying to get up to the surface.  
~ _Sometimes looking tired you are still nice and sweet to everybody. Laughing a lot. Making me smile or laugh at the silliness of what you are saying, at the way your eyes crinkle when you smile, at the honest sound of your amusement. Lighting up my world even from so far away. ~_ He was glad it was a letter and this wasn't told directly to him as he felt as if he'd be speechless. His eyes become slightly teary but he tried to keep his currently roughened up emotions at bay.  
~ _Lighting up my world even from so far away.~_ He took a deep breath to calm himself a little. And decided that he should just read the rest of the letter in one go without thinking too much or he might just break down because this letter currently hit right into his feelings.  
~ _I hope you never loose this part of yourself and that you find someone who will light up your days as you do mine.  
Be strong. Be Hopeful. Be yourself.  
And know that no matter what life throws at you, you are not alone and you are loved and not because of your beautiful face and body but because of your amazing personality that shines bright like the northern star on the darkest of nights. Showing me the right direction and bringing joy and happiness into my life just by being who you are_.~ He took a deep breath again smiling. He felt like some of the weight, he felt in his chest area lately, lifted. He felt like crying and like laughing. But there was still a small bit left.  
~ _I hope I'll get to meet you one day and bask in the warmth of your soul._ _I love you._

_Your_ _(Y/N)~_ That's it. He felt like it wasn't enough. He wanted more. HE didn't know it before but THIS was what he needed right now, even if it made him feel like crying bitter-sweet tears. After his bad mood in the early evening and the stress of the happenings unfolding after the phone call up until now that was exactly what he needed. Well maybe apart from the fact he'd love to hug the hell out of (Y/N). His eyes still wetter than normally he swiftly re-read the letter.   
There was NOTHING about this person in the letter beside her name, the feelings she confessed and that she is a “fangirl”. More than half of the letter were sweet well-wishes and wonderful encouragement but nothing personal about her. Normally fans introduced themselves at least briefly. He huffed a little frustrated. A pity he didn't have the envelope here so he could at least see where she comes from. There were some errors in the letter, that didn't bother him but but he guessed that the girls first language may not be English.   
He re-read the letter a few more times, his mood brightened considerably and not even the checking-up on his ex in between managed to bring it down again. Shortly after six in the morning he send a message to the sister of his ex explaining the situation and asking her to get over so he could go home and finally sleep himself. After said sister answered him and told him she needs about an hour, he relaxed a little more as he'd be free soon. He sat there watching the sun rising over New Your City. Shortly before the doorbell rang he decided to re-read the latter once again, there was only so much for him to do anyway. He was at the last sentence when he needed to get up to open the door, while waiting there for the sister to get up on the right floor he read the next to last sentence. ~ _I hope I'll get to meet you one day and bask in the warmth of your soul._ _~_ He smiled at that. “I do hope that too, even if only to thank you for this letter.” He mumbled to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is! Hope you liked it , hope you tell me if you did and what you liked (or not liked) ! *hugs everyone who passes through the pages of this story* <3  
> Hope I'll read you soon!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Honey-Plums! X0 Thank you SO much for all the kudos and comments! I really can't believe so many people like my story so far and so much it seems form the comments! X0 <3 *hugs everybody* Thank you thank you thank you! <3  
> The chapter ahead is the longest so far, so beware, have fun with it and please leave me comments on what you thought about it! :3 <3

_Readers P.O.V_

 

The last days of March passed by quickly, with you being busy to make plans for what you needed to take care of for your journey. You managed to find out what you needed to do to get a visa for the USA. Otherwise there wasn't much more that you needed to do this early even though you'd gladly just pack right now and sleep on your suitcase, just to be prepared for when the great day would come. You squealed at the thought and had to shake your head to get back to the present as the other customers at the DIY Store were giving you funny looks. No wonder, you thought as you were standing in front of the shelf with the spray paints for way too long, grinning madly and making weird noises. Your upcoming adventure to the States wasn't the only reason for your excellent mood. The Captain America: Civil War Premiere was nearing and you and (Y/BF/N) were going to the Berlin premiere on the 21st of April. At first you weren't that convinced of doing it as the last time you went to such an event you were tired for the whole week after, and unfortunately you didn't get close enough to get an autograph from Tom Hiddleston, as you hoped for. But then last minute an official announcement stated that beside Robert Downey Jr., Paul Bettany, Emily Van Camp, Anthony Russo and Daniel Brühl someone else would join the crew in Berlin on that day. No one else than the man himself, Sebastian Stan. You squealed again. The couple standing near you arguing over something, stopped abruptly and looked your way slightly alarmed. You grinned at them even wider than before, if that was even possible at this point and giggled to yourself. The girl pulled at the guys arm and whispered something you didn't catch after what they went away rather quickly.

You shook your head to snap out of it. Life was too good at the moment, so you couldn't risk someone calling the nice people with free straight jackets on you. So you concentrated on the task at hand and that was finding a nice silver spray. You wanted to be all prepared for Civil War but didn't have the money to make a proper costume, because you were saving for your trip and tried to avoid the too expensive ideas of yours, so you decided to put your old leather Jacket to some use and spray the left sleeve of it silver. The old thing had a lot of small tears here and there so you checked them all out and would try and sew them back together as best as you could, already planning to go and ask your mom for help in case of you failing miserably. You still had three days to finish your little project with the jacket so you weren't too worried, after all it was just the one thing you needed to do. All motivated you grabbed the silver spray that seemed like it would be the right shade, paid for it quickly and made yourself on the way back home.

 

You wanted to start working on your project right away after returning to your flat from the DIY Store but your thoughts circled around Sebastian even more once again, so you tried to write another letter, as you actually felt better for a while writing the first one that got lost. Unfortunately you seemed too restless to be able to find the right words and the sentences you tried to put your feelings in, didn't seem to make any sense so you gave up and prepared what you needed to bring with you for the short trip to Berlin.

 

On the evening before you and (Y/BF/N) were going to stalk the actors that were visiting the European Civil War premiere, you knew that your assumption of having enough time to pimp your leather jacket was wrong. While you managed to sew the inner parts of the jacket back together somewhat, sewing the leather parts went awfully wrong. You hurt one of your fingers of your left hand trying to pierce the tough leather so badly, that you needed to go to the doctor to check it out as it hurt like hell and bled more than you were comfortable with. The doctor said it wouldn't need sewing because the wound wasn't that big as it was made by a needle. She had put a bandage with some kind of ointment on it after disinfecting it thoroughly, and advised you to change the bandage ever day for a week and disinfecting it yourself every time and putting the same weird smelling ointment on it. It sucked but you would make it. The really bad thing was that you put it in your head to make a matching silver glove for your left Hand to cover your misfortune and improve the semblance of having a metal arm.

So now you sat there and needed to start finally spraying the sleeve and the glove. You spend the whole day searching for gloves that were cheap and still nicely looking, or rather fitting your picture of how they supposed to look like. You were happy you found some that were close enough but the time was a ruthless bitch and bailed on you entirely. And here you were spraying the left sleeve and the left glove silver, then waiting for them to dry, then spraying again because you missed some spots. After you were happy with the paint you decided to also paint a red star on the left shoulder because it looked rather plain otherwise...and after that you decided to mix some silver acrylic paint you had lying around, with a tiny bit of black and paint the lines that the Winter Soldiers arm had, because it was made out of metal plates rather than one piece and even in the smallest project you were stubbornly perfectionist. When you were finally done it was way past midnight and you still needed to pack the bag you'd be taking with you as you and your friend needed to take a train early in the morning.

You were tired by now, but you were pretty sure you found everything you needed to take and the last few things that you would need in the morning lied in plain sight, so you wouldn't be running around like a headless chicken when you definitely wouldn’t have the time for that. When you finally made it into your bed it was almost 1 o'clock at night and you wished to just fall asleep right away but the thought about tomorrow and the worry about having forgotten something important kept you awake for seemingly forever.  
  
_You were woken up rather violently by an enraged RDJ, who was complaining that you'd miss getting an autograph from Tom Hiddleston and if Tom would have to wait for you he'd be late for tea with Benedict B_ _a_ _dersnatch and everybody knows that Benedict tends to turn into a dragon when things didn't go according to plan. Robert muttered something about burning mountains while dragging you out of bed. On the way to where ever Robert was bringing you, you snatched a sandwich that lay conveniently on a table you were passing, just so noticing a Pikachu frantically checking out a pocket watch. He must be checking how late it is. You started to munch on you_ _r_ _freshly gathered food and realized it tasted like tuna and...custard? Interesting choice, you thought._

_You weren't even half way through eating the vanilla-tuna-sandwich when Robert stopped abruptly, took your sandwich from you, bitten into it and threw it out of the window whining that it was outrageously disgusting. He shook his head and called out for Alfred to prepare the suit. You stood there tearing up about the lost snack. Out of nowhere Alfred popped out and started pushing you into what looked like an Iron Man suit but all in pink and with a Hello Kitty logo on the chest, where the arc reactor should have been. While the suit started closing around you Robert was explaining that it's his new Kitty Suit and that it's super fast and would bring you to Tom in time. The suit started flying on it's own and you noticed that the eyes of the Hello Kitty emblem were glowing blue now. The Pikachu with the clock flew by and you turned your head in the direction it was flying. That's when you flew into something, or someone as you discovered when turning back. It was Goku with bright blue hair and grinning sheepishly and with his Hand behind his head. He told you you needed to report to the Captain or Vegeta would get really mad at him. Without any warning he grabbed your Hand (the suit gone at this point) and used his Instant Transmission to teleport you.  
You were standing in a bright hallway now that looked very unkempt, with vines and leaves scattered everywhere. You went straight ahead past the Pikachu looking at his clock in a distressed manner, until a door opened on the right side and you saw Spock fighting a Zombie. You were pushed aside by Bones who shot the Zombie in the head with a rifle. After that he explained that the Enterprise was attacked by mutant plants. You were wondering why Spock was fighting a Zombie if it were plants that attacked the star ship and you told it to Bones, who explained that the Plants allied with Zombies and were working together to steal and destroy every underwear in the galaxy and that the Starfleet was trying and failing to do some diplomacy to save the world. That's when Spock decided to make himself known. He was glad you were there because there was a white wizard searching for you and was smoking away all their tobacco on board and that kept everyone in a fool mood. So once again you were dragged to an unknown destination. This time you were greeted by Gandalf who without saying anything gave you a sock. Before you could ask what it was about, he said something about you now being free and you teleported again. _

_You were standing in the hall H in San Diego. Loki was sitting on the stage and meditating. You started to walk towards him hoping to get your autograph when you saw the_ _P_ _ikachu running past you as if_ _it’s_ _life depended on it, the clock still in his hand. You turned around and saw a huge dragon coming your way and preparing to breath some fire. You started running and soon you run past Pikachu and just in time as the dragons head snapped beside you, Pikachu wasn't there anymore. You arrived at a wall, Loki nowhere in sight. You were prepared to be eaten when out of nowhere someone swished through the air behind the dragons neck and the huge lizard fell dead to the floor. On your left you heard a voice screaming that Captain Levi killed_ _Benedryl Cumberpatch. Sill with the back to the wall you felt arms sneaking around_ _you_ _. Startled you turned around to see into the face of the Winter Soldier, all in his Tactical Gear including the mask so you didn't see him talking but you heard some sound coming from behind it. You moved close_ _r_ _to hear it better. It weren't words it was a sound, a familiar melody._  
  
You woke up to the alarm clock from your smartphone playing the wake-up tune you assigned it to. It was time to get up but before you proceeded to do that you let out an astonished sentence. “What the FUCK...”

 

The morning went smoothly, which you were thankful for after the short night and the frantic dreaming. You were tired, obviously but you were glad you made it to the train station in time and now (Y/BF/N) and you were sitting on the train to Berlin for a few hours already. (Y/BF/N) was really impressed that you managed to finish the jacket in time after all, and made a picture of you in the jacket, which she  immediately  posted on facebook. You were way too exhausted to roll your eyes at that. The both of you still had some hours until you got to your destination but luckily you didn't have to change to another train on the way, which meant you could try to sleep some.  Your phone was pretty banged up and a broken display was only one of the things that weren't like they supposed to be, so instead of listening to music th r ough it and risking for your battery to get empty  too soon, you decided to use your good old Mp3-Player. The old thing had also a cracked display but it worked just fine even after all those years. You put the small headphones into your ears, leaned your head on the trains window and prepared to catch up on the sleep you missed at home.   
  
Your best friend woke you up saying that in about 15 minutes you would reach Berlin. The song currently running on your Mp3-Player was '7 Years' by Lukas Graham. Not entirely your kind of music but it run on the radio a lot lately  and  there was something about it that caught your attention and so your mind refused to let go of it so you downloaded it to be able to sooth that terrible itch of when you can't get a song out of your mind. 

(Y/BF/N) and you collected your stuff as you heard the woman on the speaker telling that you'd reach Berlin soon. By now you were really excited as the two of you rushed to the Bed&Breakfast you'd stay at over night, to leave the things you didn't need on you for your stalking spree. With a little luck you may even win the tickets to watch Civil War directly this evening! It would be amazing! But....you'd gladly give that up to meet Sebastian face to face and take a picture with him.

(Y/BF/N) went straight to the toilet at the B&B after checking in, while you occupied yourself with ridding your ba g of  unnecessary  things.  Then you switched, not because you were minding to share a toilet (you were way past that point in your friendship), but because it was convenient at the moment. You peed, washed your hands and fixed up your make-up adding a lot of eye-shadow and eyeliner around your eyes, creating a tidier but still messy and exaggerated version of the Winter Soldiers military paint from the second Captain America movie. After that you quickly changed the band shirt you were wearing to a black tank-top that was more fitting and would suit your all new Winter-Soldierized Jacket way better. You probably should have done that before doing the make up, but in the end the make-up was supposed to be smudgy and messy anyway so no harm done. “You ready?” Came from (Y/BF/N), who in the mean time made herself ready all in blue and red putting a shawl out of a light cloth that was blue and had white stars on it. Yup...she was all for Steve Rodgers. You grinned at her. “Lookin' good Cap!” She laughed at that answering. “Not too bad yourself Sergant.”  You both grinned stupidly at each other all the way to the Sony Center where the premiere would start with the actors being interviewed and them giving some autographs.

 

W hen you reached your destination you were slightly disappointed but not really surprised. There were a lot of people there already, so the chances of you getting anywhere close to Sebastian or any other actor were very slim. You sighed rather heavily, your friend patted you on the back and said. “Don't worry if not today you'll surly get to meet him when you're in  Philadelphia. ” She hugged you for good measure and you smiled at her, thrilled at the mere thought. She was right, you were going to have fun and see what happens and if not today you surly would see him when you were over the great pond. 

All cheered up you and (Y/BF/N) joined some other fans, talked with a lot of people and even took pictures with a few Avengers cosplayers. You even got some love for your jacket and that made your mood even better.

As the time came the whole show began, the moderators talking about the movie and starting to announce the actors that were going to get on the red carpet any minute. You mostly watched everything on the big screen that was put up high so the people standing farther could see what was going on up front. While  Anthony Russo, shortly followed by RDJ got onto the carpet, you fr a ntically started to look for a place where you could see some of what was happening directly. There was no chance for you to go upfront but you still wanted to take a peek at the amazing actors for real and not through a screen as  usual. Especially Sebby, but it went without mentioning. 

The uproar of the crowd was enormous and it gave you a feeling o f an adrenalin shot. You looked around frantically, while the moderators snatched Anthony for an interview. On the screen Paul Bettany and Emily Van Camp were showed. You looked behind to see if there was something you could stand on. Well... other people were obviously better prepared again, but you just didn't want to bring a ladder or any such thing with you all the way. You frowned some. Then you heard Sebastians name being called out and you immediately turned around, your gaze wandering up to the screen as you still weren't able to see anything for yourself. And you saw him being showed getting on the red carpet. 

For a moment time seem e d to stop entirely, the feeling of excitement almost tying your throat together entirely, it felt like your heart was trying to esc a pe your ribcage all the way through your mouth  a nd fly into the arms of this beautiful human being you were watching on the screen. It was different this time though, because you knew that he was just behind the mass of people and the barrier made so the people wouldn't run around all over the carpet. He was there...an d for this one moment it felt like you were alone with him, the sounds of the crowd just a background noise. 

“Are you even breathing?” (Y/BF/N) asked amused but with a tad of concern in her voice. And then the moment was gone and everything seemed to have gone on fast forward again. The screen showed Sebby run off to give autographs to some lucky fans and proceeded with showing Daniel Brühl coming and then the interviews.“Damn...” You muttered breathlessly. Your friend cocked her head to the side in a silent question. “I need to do something.” You answered. “Oh-oh...” Was the answer of your personal Cap.

Your mind on override, now definitely fueled by adrenaline. Well you had SOME idea, it was not the best ever but it was something...and something is better than nothing, right? “Now's not the time to be embarrassed.” You told half to yourself and half to your friend still watching you. “Should I worry?” She asked grinning sassily. You smirked back. “Nah, we've done worse.” 

 

You watched Sebastians interview nervously on the screen, anxious now that your plan  apparently would work. You just asked one of the people with the ladders if near the end of the whole ordeal you could lend his ladder as an observation tower to be able to take a  direct l ook at Sebastian at least for a brief moment. The guy was really nice and said it was no problem as he'd make his pictures until then. A  hobby  photographer with dedication it seemed. So you were really on edge, like if something great would happen even though your brain knew it really wasn't THAT significant. But it were, and you pushed aside the guilt of being a stalker and decided you were going to deal with that later. The time seemed to move at a snails pace right now,  as you were waiting for your little moment. 

 

You were lost to the world as you were  fretting and letting your mind wander, so you got a little startled when (Y/BF/N) put a hand on your shoulder. “It's time  to get up in the clouds.” She said still grinning and you wondered briefly if her cheeks will hurt from it the next day. Then you shook your head to clear your mind somewhat and turned to the ladder form which the nice photographer, who's name was  Jan , just clim b ed down. “Go ahead” He said simply, and you weren't waiting any longer. You climbed the ladder all the way up.

You took a deep calming breath as you realized that you actually could see what was going on on the carpet, even though it was a little farther off as you'd liked but still close enough to recognize the facial expressions of the people on the carpet. You spotted Seb quickly. Some of the actors already entered the cinema, but he was still giving some people in front of the entrance autographs and making pictures. Your heart was beating wildly in your chest, your throat dry  all  of  a sudden. Your eyes were soaking all of his movements  in, like a sponge . Way too soon the assistants reached him and were telling him something, undoubtedly that he needed to get in. He went to the middle of the way, so nobody would sway him to stay longer you imagined, and turned around shortly waving in different directions, taking his time to the dismay of the  assistants standing at the entrance and waiting for him. 

OMG! You realized he'd turn in your direction in a second. He probably wouldn't see you but...it was damn worth the try. And just as he turned your way, his gaze sweeping roughly  t h r ough the crowd waving, you started waving yourself with your winter soldier arm. Like mad. You felt the ladder sway some but you had more important things to worry about. He  already  started to put his arm down and then his face turned directly into your direction. His face looked surprised very briefly but soon it turned to a  bright  grin and he put his right arm up high and waved back at you energetically. He seemed to have laughed  while turning around to finally go in, his arm not entirely down yet.

Your mouth wide open you tried to comprehend what happened and that was when you lost your grip on the ladder, still waving. The swaying seemed to stop...you were falling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo , here it is :D I had way too much fun with writing this rather fucked up dream XD lol I was laughing out loud writng it XD Couldn't help myself! :D I hope you could find at least some parts of yourself in the reader here! I'm really curious what you think of the dream, and of the little first meeting! At first I didn't plan anythign like this, because it's still a bit until both of them get face to face but then I had to fill up the space between what I've written before and whrere I am heading and as I didn't like the thought of such a massive time skip I was researching what happened around april with Sebby and decided to spontaneously change the facts a little bit so they suited my story and the reader could get a glimps of Mr. Stan earlier than intended ! :D  
> So please tell me what you thought as I am very curious about your reactions! Share them with me ! X0 *romanian hugs*


	6. AUTHOR'S NOTE!!! (I'm sorry that it's not a new chapter Y0Y )

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a Note about why I wasn't there for so long X0

In case you are wondering what's going on an if I have abandoned this story. *sigh* Well I'm fighting depressions since forever and... they've gotten a really mean grip on me in the last months of the year, which left me pretty much unable to do anything (getting up was a real achievement X/ ). That's why I couldn't write on, couldn't even bring myself to read anything either for a long time, I'm trying to fight on and stuff but it'll take time until I'm fine enough to function. I want to write this story on, I have a lot of notes regarding how it is supposed to enfold etc. But it's just too much to dive in there atm. I could bring myself to write in general and I will post 2 One-Shots that I've written, one in January and the other last week when I was sick. They're both for Supernatural as the show kind of kept me alive (probably not only "kind of" V.V) . Especially the January one will be a rather dank and depressing one.... I'm seeing wrirtng those stories as ... work out? That make myself fit to tackle "The Letter" again and hopefully finnish it. :)   
I'm sorry that I kept you waiting without saying a word, it all hit me pretty quickly and I was struggling to stay alive. *sigh*

**Author's Note:**

> First of all thank you for reading dear Stranger! *bows*  
> This is kind of a prologue I know very roughly where I want this story to go but haven't written that much yet so we will see how it goes and where it gets. :) I let the Chapter be beta-read but decided to leave the Letter just as I've written it in the beginning, with all the Errors, because the reader is supposed to be European so the probability that her first language isn't English is high and that it isn't always perfect is even higher :D 
> 
> Now I wanted to thank the people who in one way or another helped me do this.  
> First of all I want to thank my wonderful Plum-Mate whiteleander who I met in the Comment section of her amazing Story called "Targeted" which is a Bucky Barnes/reader story (check it out ! X0). Without her this story would have died after a few sentences, she encouraged me to write and her enthusiasm is the best motivation EVER! Thank you Sweetheart!  
> Another important person is Sindi (also known as Mario XD) who is a good friend of mine for about 8 Years now and who took the time to listen to my ideas for this story, helped me come up with things for it and so far always told me what he though of certain things. Thank you for being an amazing friend dear Sindi, I hope you'll be there with me 'til the end of the line! ;)  
> And at last but not least I thank Johnny another awesome friend who didn't bat an eye when I just send him this chapter and demanded to beta-read it! XD Thank you for your patience and taking the time ! :D


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